Dear Lennon

You are three months old today. How did this happen? It seems like only a day has passed since I was staring at your perfect little round face for the first time and praying you would love me as much as I instantly loved you. I guess this is what they mean when they say… it goes so fast.

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A few days ago, I caught you playing with Sophie – actually playing with her! – for the first time. You knew you had a hold of her and managed to get her pointy little ears into your slobbery mouth a few times. As I sat and typed, you yelped for my attention as if to show me, “look, mama!” Now, in the days that follow, holding onto random objects and getting them in your mouth has begun to seem effortless for you. You amaze me. I hope you will always know how proud of you I am.

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A little over a week ago, your daddy, you, and I piled into a rented minivan with the dogs and suitcases stuffed to the brim (and a few other necessities like mama’s beloved glider that she loves to cuddle you to sleep in – which she sat in for the entire nine hour drive), and drove you all the way to Florida where we will stay now, for good. Since we got you here, you’ve had a little trouble adjusting, refusing to nap more than 30 minutes unless I’m cuddled by your side, and throwing fits at bedtime, only to melt my heart (and make me laugh) with your big puppy eyes and sweet gummy, open-mouthed smile once I think I’ve gotten you settled to sleep. Wrong again, mom.

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There are days when I think I have you figured out. I’ve found your sweet spot with the white noise app, know just how you like to be swaddled (first one, now both arms out),how you like to be hummed and swayed to sleep, and you’ll happily lay down for an hour and a half or more. I feel like super mom! Then a few hours later, you’ll surprise me with a 15-minute catnap and I feel like a failure all over again. I guess this is just the beginning of you keeping me on my toes.

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When I think of what we’ve put you through in these first few months of your life, my heart aches. We’ve had you in the car so much, for the 11-hour drive from South Carolina to Ohio and back, twice. You waited in the car with your aunt, miserable and crying so hard for me at only one week old, while I said goodbye to your grandpa in the hospital. And now another long trip has once again turned your world upside down. You’ve probably felt my stress and sadness in one way or another. I can only hope it’s effect is temporary and that this heartbreak for me won’t even be a memory for you.

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One day maybe you’ll know that everything we ever did since the day we knew you were on the way, was for you.

We love you, sweet Lennon.

Mama

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